One of my biggest worries is that my boyfriend will one day see my Google Search history. It's not that I have a bunch of dirty Google secrets - I'm not hiding things from him, but I fear the day when I'll have to explain to him why I'm looking up weird stuff on the Internet like, "What kind of salads do the Kardashians eat?" or "How to get more followers on Instagram". You know. Personal things. Things between me and Google.
This almost happened last week when I was showing him a picture of a nature preserve where I thought we should go hiking. "Oh!" He said, "I should show you" (some forest preserve that had mountains and stuff) "Hang on, let me Google it", he said, still holding my phone.
Panic set in. "I'll do it!" I said, yanking the phone out of his hand. Like - straight up, grabbed it. Ninja style. Like he said he was about to scroll through my photo album and see all of my selfies and screenshots of inspirational quotes (this is my second biggest worry, by the way).
"Geeez..." He seemed a little confused. I have no idea why, especially since I was being TOTALLY NOT SUSPICIOUS AT ALL. "What don't you want me to see?" He asked.
"Nothing!" I realized by this point - you know, after the fact - that I was being super weird.Like, DEFINITELY-hiding-something weird. Great. He probably thinks I've been looking up porn. "I'm just excited to see the place you're talking about! What was it called?"
"I was going to look it up."
"I know! I just..." *Cricket* *Cricket* "What was it called?
The thing is, my boyfriend is the kind of boyfriend who would probably let me use Google on his phone. He wouldn't yank said phone out of my hand. Because he's not looking up weird things like "What really happened with Corinne and DeMario on Bachelor in Paradise?" and "Is Corinne coming back?"
But, really. What happened?
We bypassed the awkward moment - he knows me well enough by now to know that I was probably just looking up dumb stuff about the Kardashians and not 'how to smother your boyfriend in his sleep' - and gave me the name of the forest preserve to search. As soon as I typed the letter 'H' - sure enough, another embarrassing Google search came up: "How to take photos like a fashion blogger".