I would love to be the kind of blogger who can start off a travel diary by saying, “Earlier this year, I booked a spontaneous trip to Las Vegas!” and make it sound totally normal. Like I’m the whimsical kind of girl who does this sort of thing all the time. “It was completely spur of the moment, tickets were cheap, and I thought – hey, why not! Let’s go to Vegas!” “Hey, why not! Let’s go to Vegas!”
is not something I’ve ever said in my entire life. I was whimsical for about twenty minutes. The twenty minutes that it took for some woman on the phone to convince me that Vegas was all the rage. “Oh, you haven’t been to Vegas?!”
She asked in a tone that suggested ‘but eeeeeveryone’s been to Vegas!!!’
. (But, like, in a nice way? I don’t know. It was weird.)
The woman calling me worked for the hotel chain that I frequently use when traveling for business trips (therefore they assumed that I would have the money to, you know, travel). “Now is a GREAT time to come out to Las Vegas.”
She said – (as if she would have called me to say, ‘You know, maybe now is not such a great time’) – “We just opened up a BRAND NEW hotel on the strip...
Is "debunked" the right word? I don't know. I used to think that I looooved vintage fashion. The idea of a string of pearls sitting around in a jewelry box that's been passed down since the Titanic? Maybe it belonged to Rose De... Dewitt? Google says "Dewitt-Bukater", but I'm just going to call her Rose Dawson because we all know she should have scooted over and let Jack climb up on top of that door with her. He didn't have to freeze to death. It's not always all about you, Rose, people are dying.
But the pearls. Let's get back to the pearls. Did she have pearls? Oh, wait - no, she had that gaudy necklace that she chucked it into the ocean at the end of the movie. Way to be a hero, Rose. People have been looking for that.
But when you say something is "vintage" - that's what people imagine. That's why they say "ooh... ahh...", because they're envisioning something that somebody wore back in the day. It's a romantic idea that something has been around longer than, you know, a Forever 21 t-shirt that you ripped and threw away after one wash. It tells a story. It's been around the block. It's seen some stuff.
When I was in high school, one of the girls came to school one day wearing dangly paperclip earrings. Like, dangly earrings, made of paperclips. Tiny paperclips clasped together dangling from her ears. And when everyone said, "Oh! Those are... different!" - she told us that she found them in her grandmother's jewelry box and that they were "vintage".
Vintage paper clip earrings. From Grandma's jewelry box. Like Grandma was a true fashion pioneer back in the 40s who just strung a bunch of paper clips together and then said, "Yea, I'm gonna keep these. Let me just put these in the jewelry box next to my pearls."
Did they even have paper clips back in the 40s? When did they start making paper clips? Were people even writing on paper back then, or was it all parchment and quill pens?
Okay, I guess it's the 1940s, not the 1800s. You shouldn't come here expecting a history lesson. We're here to talk about clothes and stuff.
I used to think that if I wore "boyfriend" jeans, people might think that I actually had a boyfriend. Isn’t that why they call them boyfriend jeans? Because maybe your boyfriend left them at your house and - instead of putting on your OWN jeans that morning (you know, the ones designed for your female body type that actually fit) - you were like, “Oh, maybe I’ll just wear my BOYFRIEND jeans”.
Because that makes sense. Why wear your own clothes when you can wear your boyfriend's clothes that were wadded up in a ball on your bedroom floor?
At least that was how I'd always imagined it. Like Boyfriend spent the night, and we woke up together and maybe I left the house before he did - you know, for bagels or something - and I just slipped on his jeans because they looked soo comfy. And because I wanted the world to know that I had a boyfriend, and that maybe he was still at my place, and that maybe he wasn't wearing pants.
This doesn't make sense for a few reasons:
1) It's weird. Why am I stealing his jeans? Why wouldn't I just steal his sweatshirt like a normal girlfriend?
2) If I wanted to be "comfy", why wouldn't I throw on sweatpants? Even if they were "Boyfriend's" sweatpants? Sweatpants are exponentially more comfy than any form of jeans that have ever existed, even men's jeans that are baggy and have extra room in the crotch area.
3) Men's jeans are baggy and have extra room in the crotch area.
Seriously. Even if Boyfriend and I were the same size - and I'm going to level with you here, boyfriends and I have never been the same size - his jeans would not be comfortable. Jeans are not soft and blanket-y like over-sized sweatpants. They're made of denim. You're wearing baggy denim. How many times have you said to yourself, "Gee. I can't wait to go home and throw on my baggy denim sweatpants...".... oh, right. Never.
Because that's not a thing.