Layering Winter Outfits (Without Looking Frumpy!)

I was inspired to write this post because I saw another fashion blogger do it and I didn’t like her outfits.

There. I said it. Can I say that? I’m not going to call her out – because she’s got twenty-thousand-times the traffic and exposure that I do, and she’s probably a very nice person, and she probably went to fashion-blogging-school and that makes her more credible than me with my Target brand sweaters and my Express jeans – but still.

She chose tights, a long skirt that hit right around her calf area (so not quite a pencil skirt, but also not a maxi dress), and some bright white Orthopedic tennis shoes for her first outfit. (I shouldn’t say the shoes were registered Orthopedic, I don’t know. They’re probably just regular tennis shoes. But they have that “look”, you know? Chunky. Clunky? You know what I mean. The grandma look is very “in” right now.)

Her next look included some alligator skinned chunky-heel boots and a big, black fur coat, layered over a denim jacket, and a turtleneck. Admittedly this is better than the Granny-chic outfit she tried on first, but honestly – where is she going with those alligator boots? Does she not live some place where it snows? Not only are they alligator skin, but the heel is at least five inches tall. Are we sure those boots are made for walking? On ice?

Her last option is probably her best bet for an actual “winter”: A long camel trench coat, a cute cream colored scarf, and one of those little Parisian hats that doesn’t cover her ears (so I’m not sure how it’s helping her to stay warm, but at least she’s on the right track). She’s also wearing these black, chunky hiking boots which – in my opinion, doesn’t vibe with the rest of the outfit – but, again, what do I know? I buy 1/3 of my clothes from Target.

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How to Shop Your Own Closet.

I was inspired to write this post because I *didn’t* buy a jacket. 

Back story – I have fifteen thousand jackets at home. Probably. I haven’t counted, but I know that when I open up our “coat closet” (also doubles as our laundry/shoe/vacuum/Swiffer closet) most of the coats that I see in there are mine. Maybe three of them are Kyle’s. And one of those I bought for him. 

This post could have just as easily been titled “Confessions of a Shopaholic” or “How to be a Crazy Coat Lady” – but honestly, that’s a little embarrassing and – based solely on my experience today – I am clearly turning a corner outside of my consumerism mindset. 

Exhibit A: I did not buy a jacket. I *almost* did. But then, I didn’t! Yay! (Isn’t this a great story so far?) 

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Oh, but not just any wooden shoes — platform shoes. With a heel. A large, wooden, platform heel.

I KNOW. I blame Lizzie McGuire. Because I was fifteen and saw Hilary Duff wearing them in a Candies ad and thought that if she was wearing them, then I should wear some too. (They must be “in”, right? This is Candies. I’m not over in the old lady section of Kohls- this is the JUNIORS section. EVERYTHING in the Juniors section is cool. I’m practically shopping in Hilary Duff’s closet, I bet she wears these every day.)

So I bought myself some wooden shoes with a platform heel. Whoever said advertising doesn’t work has clearly never met a desperate-for-style fifteen year old girl walking around Kohl’s with her mom.

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I used to think that if I wore “boyfriend” jeans, people might think that I actually had a boyfriend. Isn’t that why they call them boyfriend jeans? Because maybe your boyfriend left them at your house and – instead of putting on your OWN jeans that morning (you know, the ones designed for your female body type that actually fit) – you were like, “Oh, maybe I’ll just wear my BOYFRIEND jeans”.

Because that makes sense. Why wear your own clothes when you can wear your boyfriend’s clothes that were wadded up in a ball on your bedroom floor?

At least that was how I’d always imagined it. Like Boyfriend spent the night, and we woke up together and maybe I left the house before he did – you know, for bagels or something – and I just slipped on his jeans because they looked soo comfy. And because I wanted the world to know that I had a boyfriend, and that maybe he was still at my place, and that maybe he wasn’t wearing pants.

This doesn’t make sense for a few reasons:

1) It’s weird. Why am I stealing his jeans? Why wouldn’t I just steal his sweatshirt like a normal girlfriend?

2) If I wanted to be “comfy”, why wouldn’t I throw on sweatpants? Even if they were “Boyfriend’s” sweatpants? Sweatpants are exponentially more comfy than any form of jeans that have ever existed, even men’s jeans that are baggy and have extra room in the crotch area.

3) Men’s jeans are baggy and have extra room in the crotch area.

Seriously. Even if Boyfriend and I were the same size – and I’m going to level with you here, boyfriends and I have never been the same size – his jeans would not be comfortable. Jeans are not soft and blanket-y like over-sized sweatpants. They’re made of denim. You’re wearing baggy denim. How many times have you said to yourself, “Gee. I can’t wait to go home and throw on my baggy denim sweatpants…”…. oh, right. Never.

Because that’s not a thing.

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