Well, I walked into a little store called The Buckle today. In case you’re unfamiliar with it – it’s supposed to be this very boho-trendy/Coachella fashion/”I paid way too much for this t-shirt” kind of vibe-y store. (I know, because I’ve paid way too much for a t-shirt here before. And there wasn’t even anything special about it – it didn’t make me look skinnier, or make my boobs look better, or anything. It was just a fancy, non-magical t-shirt.)
But I was in the mall, I’d had my Starbucks, and I was feeling pretty good. (Plus I’ve been saying for the last, like, week and a half that “I reaaaaally want some new clothes for summer”. There is no reasonable explanation for this. It’s not like the only thing I have in my closet are clothes made of wool and fur and winter-y things.. But apparently all of the t-shirts and shorts that I have in my closet from last year are, like, sooo 2016.)
I know. I’m the worst. Some people collect dolls, some people eat trash, my addiction is that I buy a lot of clothes. We all have our things.
Anyway, I haven’t been in The Buckle for two years. It’s just not my scene – I love shopping, but I lack the need for trendy, leopard print t-shirts and rhinestone studded denim shorts.
Believe it or not – going on this little adventure was my boyfriend’s idea. He’s not into trendy leopard print t-shirts either, but he likes their jeans – and I know firsthand the struggle of buying jeans. Once you find a brand you like, that’s it. Those are the only jeans you can buy. Forever. Until you get old and start buying stretchy pants with a waistband.
So I was like, “Fiiiiine” – because, whatever, I’m at the mall. It’s a clothing store. It’s not like he had to twist my arm to go in there. “I need to find some new clothes for summer anyway,” I said. Keyword – “need” to. As if I’m a refugee and don’t have an entire closet full of clothes at home. But whatever. I don’t like those clothes anymore.
I know. I knooow. I’m over here rolling my eyes too.
So anyway – we walked into The Buckle and proceeded our separate ways. He went over to the guys’ side, and I walked towards the crop tops and high-waisted shorts side of the store. That’s usually the girls’ side – crop tops or fring-y vests on a mannequin means you’re in the right place. I guess.
I know I’m making it sound like I’ve already reached the age of buying stretchy pants and sweatshirts with birds on them, but I’m not like – that old, okay? I’m twenty-seven. I wear normal, age-appropriate twenty-seven year old things. Like… well… I’m not sure how I would describe my personal style. Black skinny jeans from Target? And some shirt that probably came from Express, or Nordstrom Rack… Or Target.
I’m a blogger who has the word “fashion” in her domain title, and I just admitted that I buy most of my clothes from Target. How’s that for basic?
As you can see, I am clearly not trendy enough to shop at a store that sells cardigans with the shoulders cut out. (I don’t know what these shirts are called. I just call them “droopy shoulder” shirts.) But I went in with a good attitude and an open mind. The truth is, I used to think Buckle was cool. It felt like a store where Lindsay Lohan might shop – and I used to think Lindsay Lohan was cool (circa 2008). I saw a picture of her once in a tabloid wearing a flannel with ripped up jeans and ankle boots – so I decided that I needed to buy a flannel with ripped up jeans and ankle boots.
I couldn’t, for the life of me, figure out why this outfit made me look like a lumber jack. “I’m wearing a super trendy flannel and black motorcycle boots – why don’t I look like a celebrity? Maybe because she has red hair?” Sure. That’s probably it.
Thank God – somewhere along the way – I stopped wanting to dress like Lindsay Lohan. Lately I’ve been searching”Reese Witherspoon style” outfits for my Pinterest “Everyday Outfits” board, along with the 2016 winner of The Bachelor, “Lauren Bushnell style”.
I guess that’s when you know you’re growing up… when you stop trying to dress like a crackhead. No offense, LiLo.
Anyway. Back to this teeny bopper store I was in. The Buckle’s niche is geared toward teenagers, and people trying to dress like they’re going to Coachella. Not exactly a place where you’d find Reese Witherspoon picking out her new studded purse. But I wanted to have an open mind. “I’m sure there might be SOMETHING in here,” I thought. “It’s supposed to have kind of a boho, vintage-y vibe – right?” (AKA: hipster). “Maybe that could be my new summer style!”
Look. I don’t know if you’ve been to a mall recently – but true “boho” and “vintage” isn’t really the trend in stores like Buckle and Forever 21. They’re aiming closer towards the “slutty Little House on the Prairie” mixed with some glitter, and fringe, and flower crown vibes.
Did I really used to wear stuff like this? The California-denim-skirt-Hollister thing was big when I was in school. We wore mini skirts made of denim with bedazzled halter tops and thought this made us look like Kristen and LC from Laguna Beach, and not like a couple of hookers.
“If you’re looking for tops, we have a lot of really cute options towards the front.” You can’t walk into this store without a sales associate trying to help you. Which is nice, I guess. If you need someone to sell you a top. “Here, I picked up a couple that I thought you might like.” She said, holding up flowy-brightly colored-paisley print tank top. With lace. And tassels.
I know what you’re thinking – it doesn’t sound that bad. I mean, it’s almost summer, and that grandma-curtain-paisley print is super “in” right now, and who doesn’t love bright colors? And this poor girl is just trying to help.
Look. I don’t know what my “personal style” is, but I know it’s not paisley and tassels. I’ve found that I tend to lean more towards neutrals and… well, not tassels.
“Or this one is super cute!” The girl said holding up another shirt. At least I think it was a shirt. She called it a shirt. But to me it looked more like a bunch of yarn that had been sewn together to cover your nipples, and, like, nothing else. The rest was just there to wrap around your body. For decoration, I guess.
“It’s really fun to wear in the summer!” She said. Like I might actually wear the yarn halter in the summer to just, like, hang out in. Go to the movies in. Or the pool. Maybe it’s a beach cover up? “Especially when you go to concerts and stuff!” Oh. So, not a beach cover up.
Also, I’m flattered that she thinks I’m still young and hot enough to wear that to a concert. That’s the kind of shirt you wear to a concert because you’re underage and you’re trying to convince guys to buy you beer.
“And this one is really cute,” she held up a third option. It had a tribal print on it. And more tassels. “I’m not sure what you’re looking for,” she said. “But I saw you looking at tops and thought I’d bring these over.”
“Thanks!” I said. Like I might actually buy something. “I’m just going to look around.” I told her, because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. Like she made the tribal-tassel top herself. I’m sure she pulls those three shirts out for everyone because the store’s trying to get rid of them.
But still. You never know. Maybe she really did see the tassels and the yarn shirt and think, “I bet this girl would really like these.”
“What are you shopping for?” She asked. I didn’t want to go into my long drawn-out explanation of how I’m shopping for summer clothes but Lauren Bushnell is my spirit animal and I just don’t think I’m hipster enough to be shopping here and – maybe if I was still eighteen, I’d think this store was great – but I’m just over it and I’m only in here because my boyfriend needed to buy pants. Also, it was on the way to Express.
“Oh, nothing.” I said. “Just looking around.”
She smiled and told me to find her if I needed any help. Then I saw her float back up to the front and start talking to another customer.
That was when I made a break for it to find Kyle and get out of there before she tried to sell me the shoes with the spikes on them, or the leather jacket with the flower patch on it. Like I said, I’m just not trendy enough for some of these stores anymore.
How do you guys feel about shopping for new clothes? Is anyone else in their awkward “late twenties” stage – when you’re not quite thirty, but feel like you’re still too old to wear a crop top? Let’s hear about it in the comments!