My dad probably wasn’t the first parent to tell his teenage daughter “no” when she asked him for a pair of ripped-up, faded, holy jeans. “They have holes in them,” he’d say. “Who would pay seventy dollars for a pair of jeans that have holes in them? I can’t even donate jeans like that to Goodwill.”
Dads. They just don’t understand fashion.
I bought my first and only pair of “holy jeans” for the same reason that I bought a velour tracksuit (circa 2003) and a whole bunch of big sunglasses: because Jessica Simpson wore holy jeans and tracksuits and big sunglasses and she was Jessica Simpson. She was married to Nick Lachey. She was in that movie Dukes of Hazzard. She thought tuna might be chicken, which at the time, I thought held a solid argument. The can really does say, “chicken of the sea”.
So when I saw Jessica Simpson wearing jeans with holes in them, I decided that I had to go out and buy some jeans with holes in them. Because Jessica Simpson made them look chic. And effortless. Like she was fashion-y, but she wasn’t trying too hard to be fashion-y. It just happened. She just woke up, threw on whatever was laying around, and BOOM! Instant pin on Pinterest.
Of course Pinterest didn’t exist back then. So I didn’t know what kind of “holy jeans” to buy. I had to rely on episodes of Newlyweds and the Juniors department at JcPenny to guide me on my style choices. Which is how I ended up with my very own pair of holy jeans – and they didn’t come from my attempt at spending hours with scissors, sand paper and a copy of Seventeen magazine that featured an article about using sand paper and scissors to rip up your jeans. (This was a real article, by the way. I remember, because I asked my dad if he had any sand paper laying around in the garage. #JustGirlyThings)
Of course the holy jeans brought new obstacles to my JcPenny style experiment. Like, what do you wear on top? A t-shirt seemed too casual. Like I was getting ready to go outside and help my dad with yard work. But anything dressy – like a flowy peasant top or a polo (is this dressy? I don’t know. I was twelve.) – seemed like I was trying to hard. Why didn’t I look like Jessica Simpson? How did she do it? Her jeans didn’t make her look homeless. She didn’t look like someone who’d had to wrestle her way through the forest just to get to school. She looked fashion-y.
Why didn’t I look fashion-y? Why did I look like a kid who had went to JcPenny and bought some holy jeans, just because it was the “cool” thing to buy?
What do you guys think of trends? Do they ever look the same as they do on the celebrities? (More importantly, should I invest in a pair of “mom jeans” just because Jessica Simpson wore them in 2009, or…? No? Save those for my mid-life crisis? Good thinking. Otherwise people won’t understand.)