I live in fear of wearing white jeans. Not because anything has ever happened to me while wearing them, but because every time I’ve tried them on I spend at least ten to fifteen minutes in a dressing room trying to convince myself that they aren’t “that bad”.
They aren’t “that see-through” or “that tight” and they don’t make my thighs look “that big”.
I don’t like to spend money on things that aren’t “that bad”. Especially not something that could give me mom-butt. “
So I’ve never bought white jeans. I’ve wanted to. You can’t walk past a J. Crew window in the months of May, June and July without seeing a mannequin wearing some sort of white denim. And it looks so chic.“It’s a summer staple!” — says every fashion blog, magazine, and “Summer Outfits!” Pinterest board. Also that rule about how “you can’t wear white after Labor Day”.
I’ve tried. I mean, I’ve tried. I’ve tried them on over and over again and tried to convince myself that – 1) they didn’t make me look fat, 2) you couldn’t see my underwear through them, and 3) I didn’t look like someone who works in an ice cream shop…. but that’s a lot to ask of a pair of jeans. Maybe not a pair of dark jeans, or normal-colored jeans- but white jeans? Eek. Good luck.
But if you can pull it off – you magical super-human – you’re guaranteed to look effortlessly fashionable. (As long as it doesn’t make your butt look saggy and your waist look rounder and “no, seriously, can you see my underwear through these? Maybe I just shouldn’t wear underwear. That’s okay, right? Who’s going to know?”)
Jeans shopping in general, any kind of jeans shopping, is a pain. It was hard enough in the early 2000’s when we were all trying to be like Paris Hilton and rock those “low rise” butt-crack-showing jeans, but now the hot trend is… “mom jeans”? Like, the jeans that your mom wore in the ’90s? Those Gloria Vanderbilt jeans that you said “uggggh” to every time she bought a new pair? Yea, those are “in” now. I guess Mom and Gloria were ahead of their time.
Thankfully “low rise” jeans are not what they used to be (because “mom jeans” are not my cup of tea). I used to buy those M.U.D.D. “hip huggers” – back when I was fifteen and overweight and insisted that my mom buy me these jeans that gave me a muffin top. A true muffin top. “Are you sure?” she’d ask me, because if I’d just bought jeans that fit – we all would have been a lot happier. But again – I was fifteen, and just wanted to wear what all of the other kids were wearing. So, muffin-top jeans it was.
(Rule #1 for buying white jeans — don’t buy some that give you a muffin top. I don’t care what all of the other kids are wearing.)
Other Tips For Buying & Wearing White Denim:
- Remember that shopping for white jeans should be no different than shopping for your regular jeans – whatever style and size that you normally buy, try that in white. It’s that simple.
- Try the “ripped jeans”. Sometimes they can look a little edgier and if you’re worried about looking like a golfer or someone who drives an ice cream truck, ripped jeans can give you a different vibe.
- If you can pull off ALL white – like white jeans and a white shirt, you’ll look like you belong in the Hamptons. Which is really the goal here, right?
- Brightly colored shirts with white jeans look EXTRA summer-y.
- If one pair at one store doesn’t look good, try another pair at another store. Especially when it comes to white jeans – one style does not fit all.
The pair that I found – that I actually liked – came from Abercrombie. (When I mentioned that to my friend, she said “LOL Abercrombie”.) They’re called “low rise”, but it’s not the early 2000’s Britney Spears “low rise” that you’re thinking of. They’re just your average white jeans. (Except that they’re not average because they don’t make me look fat and you can’t see my underwear through them. And honestly, that’s pretty much all I ask for out of my jeans.)
Will you be rocking white denim this summer? Let me know in the comment section!