About three months after you get engaged, something happens. The first two months are all about celebrations and “Congratulations!” and people telling you how happy they are for you. You’ve found your person. The one who’s agreed to smell your morning breath every day for the rest of your life and kiss you anyway (albeit, sometimes on the forehead. That’s okay.)
“There’s plenty of time to plan”, people will say. “There’s no rush. Just enjoy it!”
“Just enjoy it,” they say. Until the ‘newness’ wears off. Once your friends and family have already heard the story about ‘how he did it’ and ‘where he did it’ and “did you know? Were you surprised?” – the conversation gradually fades during the upcoming months into questions about dress shopping and guest counts and napkin colors.
Napkin colors. Did you know that it’s possible to have a ten minute conversation about napkin colors? I didn’t. Until it happened the other day when I was asked about “my vision” and “were these napkins going to work with that?”
I mean… they’re still napkins, right? If I spill something, these will be the things used to clean it up? Okay. Just checking.
My hair stylist got all bent out of shape yesterday when I told her I hadn’t bought a dress yet. Apparently dress shopping is a BIG deal. “You know you have to make appointments for that, right?” She asked. “Like WAY in advance. And they take FOREVER to order. Like, months. When are you getting married?”
“Of this year?!” She looked disappointed. Like she couldn’t believe I wasn’t taking more initiative with this process. Why hadn’t I gone out hunting for dresses yet? Why would I wait? What if my dress doesn’t go with the napkins?
“I know…” I said, pretending to be ashamed of myself. I don’t really know why. “I need to get on top of it.” I said. To my hair stylist. Not to my mom, or my maid of honor, or – you know, the other person involved in this, my fiancé – “I just haven’t had time.” I told her. WHY did I feel the need to explain myself to her? Our wedding is eight months away – is the wedding dress portion going to take longer than eight months?
It could, actually. I have no idea. Like I said, I haven’t started it yet.
“But you have the big things done,” she said, “Right?” My hair dresser is honestly more invested in planning this wedding than I am. Is this something she does on the side? I don’t understand.
“Uh, yea.” I said. “Yea.” If by ‘big things’ – she means ‘photographer’ and ‘wedding date’ and ‘location…?’ Because that’s all we have done. And the location is kind of a question mark, because we’ve found the CITY, but we haven’t found the venue. Apparently venues are really important when getting married. Almost as important as the dress and the napkin colors.
We haven’t registered for anything yet. We haven’t picked “our colors”, or our flowers, or our “theme” (because apparently that’s a thing you’re supposed to have at a wedding – a ‘theme’. I had always thought the theme of my wedding would just be ‘wedding’.)
We’re getting married in Big Sur, California. Allegedly. Like I said, we haven’t picked a venue yet. But we’ve hired a wedding planner – which I was against for awhile (like, as soon as we started planning) – but it’s nearly impossible to execute a destination wedding without a wedding planner, I’ve learned. Sending thoughts and ideas to her and asking her how to execute them within my budget is way easier than crying in the middle of the living room floor like a child because I don’t know where things are logistically and I don’t know how to find a minister in another state and “what about a marriage license? Do we have to get that here, or in California? Maybe we should just get married at city hall?”
Have any of you planned a destination wedding? Please share your tips, tricks and experiences in the comment section below!